01 — THE RECEIPTS
you kill it.
hims posts it.
first-kill cards, raid recaps and leaderboards. bosses down, closest wipes, damage, healing. yes the deaths are in there too. can't believe you thought they wouldn't be.
/progressscrambled's resident little guy
spoot.
small triangle.
whole ass job.
hims does the raid recaps, catches the voice clips and keeps the discord from becoming a full time problem. apparently hims needed a website too.
3 sides. 2 eyes. absolutely no PTO.
employee of the wheneverupper management now
i made a recap.
pls respond.same pay. more meetings.
smh.
fig. 01 — hims, in his natural shape
01 / actual responsibilities
he does stuff.
like, a lot of stuff.
made for Scrambled on Proudmoore-US. one WoW guild, three raid teams, and a surprising amount of admin for someone without hands.
you kill it.
02 — THE ORGANISING
raid night.
less chasing ppl.
signups, roles, notes and rosters. pick what you're playing and let the raid lead see who's coming. hims can organise the raid. showing up is still on you.
/raid03 — THE EVIDENCE
you said it.
hims clipped it.
start him listening, catch the last five seconds, nudge the timing and give it a soundboard name. that one stupid thing in voice can now follow you around. nice.
/clipMythic+ recaps & guild recordsverification & self-serve rolesanniversaries & server upkeep
02 / the completely made-up backstory
born in lag.
raised by
discord.
nobody asked for his autobiography. hims wrote one anyway. click a chapter, it gets worse.
unverified lore. verified little guy.01the loading screen incident
spoot was born when a loading bar got to 99% and gave up. three pixels fell off, stuck together and grew eyes. no arms. no legs. just hims.
his first word was “retry.” his second word was also “retry.” rough start ha.
02briefly employed as a cursor
first job was pointing at things. should've been easy considering the shape. instead he kept hovering over “leave group” during boss pulls.
fired on day two. says it was a culture fit thing. it was not.
03scrambled takes him in
LEL found him living in an abandoned voice channel eating dropped packets. gave him a name, a pink paint job and one job: tell us when the boss dies.
hims did it. then someone said “can you also do signups” and that was the end of his work life balance.
04the soundboard changed him
one night somebody said something so stupid in voice that spoot tried to write it down. remembered he had no hands. invented an entire clipping system out of spite.
now it has a button. progress, apparently.
05where hims is now
lives in a server. pays no rent. has strong opinions about duplicate announcements. spends his evenings making little cards for people who are going to ask where the recap is anyway.
wants a corner office. all his offices are corner offices. triangle.
03 / vital guild infrastructure
wasn't me.
probably lag.
died to something avoidable? hims has prepared your statement. choose your level of personal accountability.
a website toy. does absolutely nothing in discord.
spoot's excuse department
“my internet lagged in the exact shape of the mechanic.”
“the floor was doing damage. seems like a building issue tbh.”
“i was testing the battle rez. you're welcome.”
official statement prepared. credibility sold separately.
04 / fine, here's the useful bit
ask the little guy.
/progresseveryone
Scrambled's current Heroic raid progress. only you see the reply.
/raideveryone
open raid signups, rosters and attendance for current events.
/clipeveryone
join voice and run it once to bring him in. he posts a notice and announces he's listening. run it again after the funny bit to preview the last five seconds, adjust the timing and add it to the soundboard. up to three new sounds per person per day.
/pollcreate polls permission
make a native Discord poll with 2–10 answers. open it for an hour to a week, with multiple choices if you want.
/createmanage server
create a raid signup using a guided form for the title, date and details.
/quickcreatemanage server
create the same raid signup in one line. for when you already know what you want.
/setupmanage server
choose the WoW guild, announcement channel and role for first-kill cards.
little guy. actual boundaries. voice listening starts with a notice, uses a rolling 90-second memory buffer and only saves a clip when someone asks. temporary clip files expire within an hour; sounds you add stay on Discord's soundboard. DMs go to the human who runs him. the full privacy details.
anyway. hims has
shit to do.
there's probably a recap to make. or someone standing in fire.